Who I Am

I was listening to this song a few weeks ago, and I was able to realize a few very important things. I'd love it if you'd listen to the song, following along with the lyrics, and then read what came to me.




"Who I Am"

Another voice, another choice
To listen to words somebody said
Another day
I replay
One too many doubts inside my head

Am I strong
Beautiful
Am I good enough
Do I belong
After all
That I’ve said and done
Is it real
When I feel
I don't measure up
Am I loved

[Chorus:]
I’m running to the One who knows me
Who made every part of me in His hands
I’m holding to the One who holds me
‘Cause I know whose I am, I know who I am

I am sure I am Yours

Turning down
Tuning out
Every single word
That caused me pain
Unashamed
And unafraid
‘Cause I believe You mean it when You say

I am strong
Beautiful
I am good enough
I belong
After all
‘Cause of what You've done
This is real
What I feel
No one made it up
I am loved

[Chorus]

I am sure I am Yours
I know who I am
I am sure I am Yours

Fearfully
Wonderfully
Perfectly
You have made me

I’m running to the One who knows me
I’m holding to the One who holds me

[Chorus]

I am sure I am Yours
And I know who I am

What came to me:

When we honestly say we're turning to God, we DO.

God is so much more powerful than the enemy of our souls. When we call out to Him He Answers. Always. Every time. It's important to know WHO He is; that gives us confidence to recognize His voice. Aaron taught King Lamoni's father, expounding the scriptures to him, all day,  about Jesus Christ and His good news. Then, after the King knew Who to pray to, he did, and he and his entire household were saved. This was a warlike and bloodthirsty ruler, and the love of God overwhelmed him and he was born again, filled with the love of God for ALL people. We have a good, good dad in God. When we ask Him for bread, He will NOT give us stones. Ever. He is always speaking blessing, strength, encouragement, and exhorting us to live better, believe higher, and trust Him more. The blessings we receive are limited by a two things:

1) Our unbelief.

Unbelief is believing untrue things. It's believing lies. And the fruit of it is confusion.

2) Our willingness to receive.

Receiving from God means making ourselves fully vulnerable to Him, and opening our hearts and souls to Him. When we actually trust Him, stop trying to achieve some level of righteousness or perfection, and just accept that we are already accepted and fully loved by Him, worthy of receiving from Him because Jesus already paid the price, already extended grace and forgiveness, then the windows of heaven open and we're overwhelmed with what our God is willing to do for us.

Our God is generous. Our God is kind. Our God is faithful to His word, and always fulfills His promises.

Evening Prayer of the Righteous

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.
2 How long, O you sons of men,
Will you turn my glory to shame?
How long will you love worthlessness
And seek falsehood? Selah
3 But know that the Lord has set apart[a] for Himself him who is godly;
The Lord will hear when I call to Him.
4 Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
5 Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,
And put your trust in the Lord.
6 There are many who say,
“Who will show us any good?”
Lord, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.
7 You have put gladness in my heart,
More than in the season that their grain and wine increased.
8 I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. (4th Psalm, NKJV)

I could make a half dozen journal posts about this psalm; it details so much of my experience with God over the last few years. My God HAS relieved me in my distress, had mercy on me, heard my prayer, put boundless gladness in my heart, and given me peace beyond understanding in the storm.

We can TRUST our God. We can KNOW the Godhead: Father, Son & Holy Spirit. We can be connected to & communicate with God, and be led more and more into good things. I will not be afraid, and I will not forsake what I know. God has been loving, generous, faithful, and so much more. My main work has been to learn how to simply receive, and to find quiet space in which to do so.

Father God, I rejoice in knowing who You are! Lord Jesus, I can't imagine what existence would be like without Your victory, without Your salvation. And Holy Spirit, I know too much about what it is like to live without You. I don't ever want to go back. Thank You, God. Just thank You. Amen.

Those who wait upon the Lord

Last night's meditation brought, not sleep, but Isaiah 40:31:

"But those who wait on the LordShall renew their strength;They shall mount up with wings like eagles,They shall run and not be weary,They shall walk and not faint."

Then it brought understanding. 

. . . those who wait on the Lord 

That's not just waiting, passively. That's "waiting on", as a servant waits upon his master, or a waitress or waiter waits tables. It is active. And in that activity lies tremendous power. 

. . . shall renew their strength 

Waiting on the Lord, hearing and doing His word, His will, brings an inflow, a flooding, of life to our souls. He becomes, within us, a fountain of living water, springing up continuously unto life eternal.

They shall mount up with wings like eagles.

Why not "with wings like sparrows", or "like hawks", or "like falcons", or any other fowl of the sky? What makes eagles different? Or, more specifically, what makes eagle's wings different?

When presented with an approaching storm, eagles do exactly the opposite of all other birds. While other flighted creatures seek shelter, the eagle flies into the very teeth of the gale, and the mighty wind lifts the eagle higher and higher, far higher than it could ever fly alone. The storm winds strengthen the eagle's wings more than flying in calm weather ever could, and the storm's heights provide views simply not possible in other conditions. 

They shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint. 

Vern is an ultra runner. Ultra Marathons are anything longer than a marathon, and often extend over crazy and amazing mountainous terrain. These races commonly go between 50 km and 100 miles. Some of the latest ones are even more, 150 miles or even 200. Runners in these races don't sprint--they use a combination of power hiking and running. (Unless you're a super-incredible elite ultra runner like Max King. Then you hold a six-minute pace for fifty miles. No joke.) Add to the running/hiking combination the fact that ultra marathon performance has everything to do with what you let yourself think. (You can start at 2:00, if you want.) It's the nicest people who usually do the best in these races.  Believers aren't thick on the ground in ultra running . . . but those who carry love in their hearts show a distinct advantage over all others. You just don't hear of mean ultra runners. Some of the early finishers in ultras will hang around at the finish line for many hours, until the last of the runners come in. Scott Jurek, one of the most most successful early ultra runners, did so religiously. Every race he won, he stayed at to cheer in every other runner, until the very last one appeared. His reason? When he started running cross country in high school, he was usually in last place, and he knew how much harder it is to run for so much longer than anyone else. I've met Scott, and he truly is one of the nicest and kindest souls around.

If you want to be renewed, if you want to mount up with strength, if you want to be unweary and unfainting, the path of Jesus Christ is the only way to go. Doing as He did, doing as He leads you from moment to moment, waiting on Him in all things.

Father God, thank You so much for Your Son. I can't even begin to tell You how much I love the both of You, how much Jesus means to me. I'm so glad you know my heart, that I can stand before You clothed in the robes of His righteousness and empowered by His grace, and be called higher, lifted up high by the storms that come and show me how strong You are in me, and give me perspective and knowledge that I simply couldn't otherwise have. Thank You for Your promises, for I KNOW they are sure! Thank You for Your Word, where I find the promises You've made, the covenants You extend to Your people and that are open to me if I will but walk in them. Thank You for the openness of the gate, where all can enter in if they so desire, and receive the full endowment of love and grace that begins their life anew. Thank You for healing, for love, for music, and for the unending forgiveness and love that I can receive from You . . . that I do receive from You . . . every morning, and every moment. Love You, God. In Jesus' name, amen.

Hallelujah, the Veil is Torn!

I've been thinking a lot about the fact that the temple veil was torn in two when Christ gave His life for us. 

Matt 27:51 NKJV: "Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split,"

I especially love the fact that, when the veil was rent, the priests officiating in the Passover in the Holy Place were given a sudden & unexpected but very clear view into the Holy of Holies--and were not struck dead upon the sight. The symbolism there is so powerful to me. The wholeness of Jesus' work for us is manifest in that one scene: the astonished priests gaping as they looked and saw what had been veiled before.

We are granted access to the Father, to the Throne of Grace, right now. And it is the experience of that encounter when we finally drop our fears and approach, the personal knowledge of the existence and character of the Godhead, that changes everything and fills our lives with inexpressible joy and the desire to sing the song of redeeming love. 

Dear God, it has been a good, good day, and everywhere I turned I saw Your hand, Your glory, You smilingly pointing out beauty as if it You orchestrated it just for me. I'm so incredibly, beyond-words grateful for what Jesus did for us. For me. It changes everything. I get to know You, now. Thank You, Father. I love You. In Jesus' name, amen. 

Once.

Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. . . . Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.  ~John 16:23-24

On Friday, God blessed me to pray for someone I love dearly. He gave me words to speak, words filled with life and the hope that is in Jesus, the very life and hope that is one of the gifts that come with the baptism of fire and the Holy Spirit. So beautiful. Later that day, as I pondered on prayer, I wondered about something I have wondered many times before: just how many times do I need to pray for something, before the prayer "works"? Before God hears and answers? Days? Weeks? Or several times a day for longer, if I want something really really really badly?

This is something I've wrestled with for a long time. I'm a pretty random person, easily distracted . . . but also deeply sincere. I always want to pray for others, but I felt a burden to pray repeatedly, over time, in order for it to be any good . . . and yet I knew myself, and would not offer to pray for people because I knew it would be a one-time thing, and I didn't want to let them down with my meager attempt to "pray for them", because I thought what I was able to do wouldn't work. I couldn't remember everyone that I wanted to pray for, and I couldn't spend hours each day making sure I prayed for all of them with the depth of fervor that I thought I had to offer as a sacrifice for the prayers to be heard and answered.

And Friday, as I pondered on this, really asking God just how many times I needed to pray before it "would work", I heard the answer so clearly:

"Once."

And it wasn't just a "once, with all the energy of your soul" kind of once. It was a "Once, when I tell you to, and the way I give you to pray."

That answer has been such a relief, not just because it lifted a burden that I floundered under (feeling like my prayers were making a difference because I wasn't consistent for everyone I wanted to pray for), but because it built my faith up into something even stronger. I can trust my God to guide my prayers, and I can stand confident upon His rhema (spiritual word to me) and logos (written scripture) as I pray for things. Believers are commanded in scripture to heal the sick, to pray for one another, to bless, and so much more. God wills GOOD for His children. I have permission from the Godhead to pray for SO many wonderful things, in Jesus' name. He hears, and WILL answer. Without me doing time on my knees for the sake of pleasing Him enough to grant my petition. He wants me to pray--absolutely! And He also wants me to be up and about, blessing and loving and working and playing, and praying all the while.

I've been moved upon to pray for some things many times over the last couple of years, out of the love and desires of my heart that the Lord has planted there. And I'll keep on doing that. I'm just thankful that I don't have to pray for everything and everyone in that same way.

These passages now carry even more meaning:

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." ~Matt 21:22

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you." ~John 15:16

"If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." ~John 15:7

And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ~Luke 11:9  

"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us." ~ John 5:14

Lord, I'm so glad you're not One who insists on exacting a price from Your own who petition You, before you grant their requests. When I pray in faith (in right alignment with Your word, Your character and Your will), I fully trust You will answer me with bread, not stones. With good things. You know how to give good things to those who ask. God, I declare Your name as the highest in the heavens, I declare Your holiness, Your love, Your perfect peace, and invite all who search to come and taste the fruit of the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob, for You are He: the Living God. And I will praise You, pray to You, and rejoice in You always. In Jesus' name, AMEN.

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts. ~Jeremiah 15:16

I choose growth.

Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. (Romans 12:2 AMP)

If we want to know God's will, if we want to be remade into His image, we must be teachable, and we must let Him be our teacher.

There is no such thing as spiritual homeostasis. We are either increasing in light and knowledge, or we are decreasing in them. Either growing into the new life Jesus brings us, or withering into our own mortal stature and wisdom. 

I choose His teaching, His tutelage, His blessing, His image. 

Father God, I love You. Jesus, I love You. I don't know how I ever could have made it the last couple of years without Your comfort, Your presence, Your healing, Your power, Your teaching, Your leading, Your miracles. Thank You for showing me who You truly ARE. That is a treasure worth any price. Keep teaching me, God. I will learn. In Jesus' name. Amen. 

True Friendship

This was written by a friend of mine, to a friend of his . . . and I cannot help but shout from the mountaintops a truth so beautiful as this.

"I will never fear to read what you have to say. Even if I disagree with it. Your friendship means more to me than that, and I can bear the burden of learning to comprehend you." -- Rocky

The real enemy is not flesh and blood.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." ~Ephesians 6:12

This passage has been brought to my mind several times a day for about a week now. Over and over, the Lord has reminded me that when there's a conflict or disagreement, it's not a "me vs. them" scenario. It's an "us vs. the enemy of our souls, who is out to destroy the children of God" scenario.

When I have a disagreement with someone, remembering this verse resets my paradigm, robs emotion of its power, and sets me in alignment again with Jesus' purposes and desires: to see His children united in love, which love is God, is Him. I still have a long way to go in practicing remembering this every single time (especially at home, where old habits are dying hard, hard deaths), but this treasure of knowledge is one I cherish, because when I do remember it, it changes EVERYTHING.

(I love, too, that the address is 6:12, which symbolizes to me the true opposition: the enemy's imperfection setting itself against the authority and government of God.)

Father God, thank You so much for speaking into my heart this week and teaching me this verse. And thank you that the address holds meaning for me, so I can remember it easily! Thank You for how You guide me, teach me, and even offer tests for me in order to learn . . . tests that are instructive, constructive, and NOT destructive. Thank You for showing me the false dichotomies of the enemy, so I can step back into the true choice that lies before me, and for the way You show me where You long for me to tread. Lord Jesus, fill me with Your presence, teach me more of Your ways, and show me more of Who you Are, of Your glory. Teach me to receive Your presence and comfort continually, and not shut You out because I confine Your ability to comfort within my own expectations. Holy Spirit, come and fill me, fill my home, fill my family, fill my life, touch others through me in every way you can, and keep on revealing God more and more to me. God, I praise You, for You are good! I thank You, for You are generous! And I love You, because You first loved me and still do . . . when I am able to offer You nothing that could ever merit what You so freely give. In Jesus' glorious name, amen!!!

Bless the, Lord, for He Is Gentle

"One of the greatest hindrances in coming to Jesus is the excuse of our own individual temperament and natural desires. Yet there is actually only one thing you can dedicate to God, and that is your right to yourself (see Romans 12:1). If you will give God your right to yourself, He will make a holy experiment out of you--and His experiments always succeed." --Oswald Chambers, from My Utmost for His Highest.

But the love of God is truly perfected in whoever keeps his word. This is how we know we are in him. (1 John 2:5 CEB)

Confession: These two were on my FB timeline this morning, as I scrolled through during that first hour of the morning, the hour when Jesus has told me is my best (and often only) chance to really get into the Word. {cringe}

And yet, still, my God is gentle. He entreats. He continues to whisper to me the things He has in store, and continues to make plain the calling He has planted in my heart. He sees my tendency, still extant, to want to self-flagellate when I fall short, but He literally reaches out, and with a gentle word stays my hand and encourages me onward. Lord God, thank You for being Who You Are. For not being a retributive and vengeful God in my life, but the Good Shepherd, the Lover of my soul, and One I can trust more than anything else, ever. Even as I have little people pulling on me as I try to type this, and larger people asking me questions and calling me away from this, and I try to just get these last few words out, I thank You for another day, and for the fact that, in this case and this calling, the hour of grace is not yet past.

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord! (Psalm 150:1,6 ESV)

When I heard this psalm shared recently, that last verse really stuck out to me . . . "everything that has breath". And I heard "ruach". The last verse then repeated in my heart:

"Let everything filled with the Holy Spirit praise the Lord!"

All Creation is filled with the Spirit of God . . . as Jesus told the Pharisees in Luke 19:40, if He shushed the people's praise, the very rocks would cry out to Him.

And I love that praise, in this psalm, is an injunction in command form: "Praise the Lord!"

Lord God of Heaven, You are the joy of my life, and You radiate all around me, both inward and outward, permeating all things with Your Goodness, Mercy and Grace. Thank You, so much! And thank You for the ease of finding You in Your Word. When I start to get overwhelmed with the idea of the sheer VOLUME of scripture before me, not sure where to start, I love that I can remember I just have to open the book, and I will find YOU. I love that it truly IS my joy to say "Your will, Your way", and I pray all of Your children can catch that vision, can feel the joy of Your presence, learn to rest in Your kindness, and be drawn inexorably into Your embrace where they will find their deepest needs filled, their captivity broken forever, and their hearts given rest, in the beautiful name of Jesus, Who I will praise all my days, amen.