Come unto Him. Oh, please.

Oh, my friends. My heart is breaking right now.

I keep seeing people I love, so dearly, that I know Jesus loves so dearly, people with repentant hearts and souls longing for their God, talking about how they hope, one day, they can know they are acceptable to God. I just want to shout from the rooftops: "Jesus LOVES every one of us! All the way! Nothing held back! Right! Now!"

He died for us while the world lay in sin . . . before most of us were even born. The price fully paid, He announced the work of redemption finished on the cross. All of heaven and earth rejoiced, as we read in Enoch's vision. Enoch went from refusing to be comforted to rejoicing with the seraphs, shouting, "Hallelujah, for the Lamb is slain!!!"

Every one of us is FULLY acceptable to God, right this minute. He has not a single reason to reject us. That's the whole point of everything Jesus did, and the meaning of the scripture that says God is storing up his wrath for the day of judgement. Jesus won so we could have this period of grace. Jesus was God . . . He left the place of perfect love and glory and joy to constrain Himself within mortal--Telestial--flesh, to endure all, to suffer the effects of sin and illness until He bled from every pore resisting sin, and then to die one of the most painful deaths devised. 

For you.

It's the price paid for something that declares the buyer's valuation, its worth in the buyer's eyes. And you, my friend, are worth the innocent, priceless blood of God.

By virtue of the cross, Jesus now has the right to come to each of us (right where we are!), and to walk with us through everything. Instead of having to do a bunch of stuff to make sure we're cleansed of sin and worthy of His presence so we won't be struck dead, His blood pays for all the junk we've got, and gives Him the right and power to remit our debt, forgive our sins, and BE with us, right now. Instead of being like the priests who went into the Holy of Holies wearing bells and with a rope tied to his ankle so if the bells stopped and he didn't yank back when the priests outside yanked on the rope, they could haul the body out without going in and being struck dead, too, our God can fill us with His Spirit, can appear to us, and we are not destroyed.

When Jesus died on the cross, not only did the earth shake, but the veil in the temple in Jerusalem was torn from top to bottom. Rent clean in twain. The priests in the holy place were given a view into the Holy of Holies, and they weren't struck dead. But, instead of realizing what had just happened, they quickly closed the veil up again, shutting off the view of heaven Jesus had just freely given them, going back to business as usual. 

Brothers and Sisters, the veil is TORN! There is no longer separation between man and God. We don't have to be "good enough" or "qualify" for His love, or His presence. We only have to WANT Him, to invite Him.

Can we be exalted in our sins? No. But that doesn't mean that we are cut off from Jesus until we're worthy of exaltation. That's the whole reason Jesus did what He did! He redeemed us from the fall . . . that's right now. We don't have to live subject to sin and death, separated from God.

About a year ago, I spent a lot of energy wondering about why Jesus had to die. I had just been taught by the Holy Spirit and scripture that the test of this life is whether we'll desire good or evil. Each man is rewarded according to his works, according to the desires of his heart (D&C 137). And if so, if Alvin Smith could be found on the right hand of God, if those who had never heard of Jesus were saved so long as their hearts longed for righteousness and they did their best based on what they knew, then why did Jesus have to die? Why did He have to go through all of that incredible pain? Why? Why???

As I labored in that heart cry of "Why???", His answer came. So sweetly, so powerfully. 

"So I could be with you."

God misses us. So much. The Fall took us from His presence, where we were designed to dwell, and all God wants is for us to be with Him again. Jesus' victory means so many things . . . but most of all it means He can come to His people. His name, Emmanuel, means God With Us. And in a day of hardcore idolatry and fertility cults, where every other god was a distant deity, demanding all manner of iniquity as worship, silent and utterly unreachable, here was Jesus Christ. He walked with mankind, sacrificing Himself--even God--so He could succor His people, heal them, walk with them, be in fellowship with them.

Please, oh please. Don't think that there is anything--and I mean ANYTHING--keeping you from God other than your own unbelief. The enemy looooves it when we believe his lies, whether it's the one that says Jesus can't come to you right now as you are, or the one that says you're not good enough. (That second one is especially nasty, because it's true--none of us are "good enough"--but it utterly denies the power of Jesus by virtue of His victory.) Jesus is the God of relentless mercy, all-pervading love, and abounding grace. He LONGS to be with you, right here. Now. He LONGS to pour out His Spirit on you as soon as you open your heart to receive it. Rock Waterman's experience of receiving the baptism of fire is a perfect example. He was seeking it, praying for it. But, ultimately, it came down to this. He said, in a comment on this page: "I had the faith. In fact, I felt that it was about time I allowed myself to REALLY receive the Holy Ghost. So just like that, it happened." He was, simply and truly, open to receive. To "allow" himself to "really receive the Holy Ghost". No works. No earning. Just open.

So please . . . I'm begging you with everything that's in me . . . don't deny our Lord the chance to come to you right now. I'm SO flawed, so weak, so fallible. And yet, He is there whenever I turn to Him. Whenever I raise my voice to worship Him. Whenever I open my mind and heart to Him. Every time. Always. So often when I read the accounts of those who have seen Jesus Christ, it's obvious that they didn't earn that visit. They didn't pay for it. He just came, because they believed He could.

Jesus descended below all things. He can come to you where you are.

Some thoughts about Jesus

"Though thousands crowded around Him daily, He was sensitive to the needs of the individual- the infirm who touched the hem of His garment, the small of stature who sat in in tree to see Him over the multitude. 

After being betrayed by one he called Friend, the Lord of Hosts was taken by a mob to an illegal trial where He, the Great Lawgiver, was falsely accused and incriminated. The King of kings was then judged by mortal rulers, and taking the place of a seditious murder, the Scapegoat of Israel was condemned to death. 

At Pilate's command, the Gentle Healer was scourged, bruised, broken, and torn. Then the Carpenter from Nazareth carried his wooden cross through scorning crowds to Golgotha, where in ultimate irony, He, the only perfect person to ever walk the earth, descended below all things, being raised up between two criminals to justify a guilty race. 

Though appointed to be the judge of all mankind, He plead for the forgiveness of His tormentors. And while the world trembled in distress of His agony, He worried about the welfare of a woman, His mother. His death brought darkness to the earth. His resurrection brought light and eternal life. 

Little did the hypocrites who consented to His death know when they cried for His blood to be upon them that one day untold billions would plead for His blood to be upon them, not to condemn but to redeem. 

To us is His promise that those who lose their life for His sake shall find it, that through Him, scarlet sins may become white like wool, and that those who deny themselves of all ungodliness will inherit all that God has. 

Though the Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head, He has prepared many mansions for us in His Father's house. May we take comfort in knowing that the Creator of worlds without end still numbers the hairs of our head. He who clothes the lilies of the field will clothe us in spotless robes of righteousness. The One who cried, "Why hast thou forsaken me," has promised that He will not leave us comfortless. Someday the Man of Sorrows will wipe all the tears from our eyes." ~T.G.

"Come Unto Me", by Jon McNaughton. Used with permission.

Feeling Worn?

I can't tell you the number of times I've listened to people talk about the ideas and thoughts that pop into their heads, and that are wonderful things, or beautiful promises, that apply directly to their circumstance, to their recent prayers . . . but they dismiss it as their own thoughts, even while their hearts are breaking because they don't feel they ever hear God.

That is unbelief.

I lived there for a long, long time (like two decades), so I feel like I can speak with some authority. ;o)

If it's GOOD, it is of God. Jesus said so (through Mormon), and I believe Him.

Moroni, recording what his father Mormon preached, wrote:

Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.
But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. ~Moroni 7:12-13

This song came on Spotify today as I was listening, and it became my prayer . . . it was my heart's cry yesterday, and today, as I took these words for my own and sent them heavenward, Jesus answered. With an outpouring of love and warmth and the familiar wonder of His presence, I heard in my mind and heart, infused with the unmistakable feel of His smile: "That's what I'm for, beloved. That's why I AM."

Still Good! :o)

Give thanks to the  lord , for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. ~1 Chronicles 16:34 NLT

Oh, how good our God really and truly is. :o)

And the best part is, I have a feeling I've only just barely begun to see just how good He will be to me, as I follow Him, bringing unto Him my weaknesses, and allowing Him to clothe me in His strength, His faith, His righteousness, all through the blood of His atoning sacrifice.

You see, He won. He won, because He finished. On the cross, He told us so. I cannot imagine the deep relief, and wonder how much joy He felt as he hung there in so much agony . . . but even then, knowing that He had done it, that He had WON!, and He could finally release Himself from that tortured body and rest for a little bit. And then, to be able to take it up again, heal it and make it whole, and glorify it. Just, wow. I know how much I love putting on my most comfortable, well-fitting clothes. I can hardly imagine what it must've felt like to be able to clothe Himself once again in the flesh He had come to know so well, and yet to do so in glory, without the temptations, without the pain, without the burden of His mission before Him.

You see, my God is faithful. He never gives up, never wimps out, never fails me. Ever. His love isn't going to fade away, He's not going to change His mind. He is Eternal. He is Endless. He is Good. He is LOVE. And He has poured that love out over and around and through me, filling me up until it was more than I thought I could bear . . . and then He filled me some more.

And He wants to fill you, to heal you, to save you, too.

Jesus, I love You. I keep trying to find words to thank You, to praise You, to communicate somehow even a tiny bit of the miracle You have worked in me. It's not working out so well. lol But I'll keep trying, for it is one of the sweetest works I've ever had set before me. I thank You for Your patience, for Your grace, for the infinite nature of Your love and attention. I'm so glad You are Who You Are, and that I can keep learning, keep receiving, keep on growing in light each day. Thank You for not giving up on me, for not giving up on anyone, ever. Keep on reaching out, keep on showing, keep on entreating, and lead me more fully in Your light, in Your ways, and in Your love. And please . . . show me how to translate this into how I serve my family, how I care for them, how I work in my home and in the sphere of influence You've given me. It's all I want to do. Thank you!

Oh, how He loves us.

A while back, I was thinking about this life, and the untold billions who never knew Christ. As I mused on how on earth they would ever receive a fair chance at salvation, I was reminded of Joseph's vision of the Father & Son, where Alvin was with them. Alvin had no Melchizedek priesthood leader, no ordinances. Yet he was with the Father & Son after his death, and Joseph was given to know he received exaltation. This life is, as father Lehi says to his son Jacob in 2 Nephi 2:27:

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."

It's to see what we desire in our hearts, and what we do about those desires. As I kept on meditating on this, God told me so clearly and simply that this life would still be an absolutely fair test, with the same potential for exaltation, without ANY interaction from God, whatsoever. Without the church. Without interaction from Christ. Just our consciences to guide us. (He still had to triumph over sin & death so He could pay our debt to justice, but that could have happened quietly, without prophecy and without a following.)

That idea came so cleanly, so clearly, so quietly and simply into my heart. I asked, "Then why, God? Why all of the effort and failure and heartache to work so much with your children? When you know so many will take what You give them and transform it into bludgeons to use on one another, especially the downtrodden and weak? Why go to all the effort?" His answer was so typical of Him, and so all-encompassing:

"Because I love you."

The true test is in our hearts--whether we are Mormon or Muslim, Jew or Gentile, American or Aborigine. Our life circumstance doesn't matter a single bit. Our access to "saving ordinances", et al, as members of the LDS church only provides a different arena in which to act out the desires of our hearts. I haven't yet pondered on why it is that some are blessed so richly (like my husband and myself), born to families that are pretty darn good, raised with sufficient food, clothing & shelter, without serious abuse from those that are supposed to love us, and then grow into adults who try to keep God's commandments and are blessed with so much safety as a result. But the answer I got that afternoon was astounding to me: God goes to all of this effort, all of this heartache, all of this rejection because He loves us, and He can't NOT do it.

God  ROCKS  my world. :oD

Cast shame far from you!

Give no more place to shame--it is the enemy of your soul! God doesn't CARE what we DO. He only cares what we ARE. What we are is connected to what we do, but our doing does not determine His inner climate. Our doing only matters to Him as it allows Him to direct and transform us further into inhabitants of His Kingdom. He keeps no checklist, no score sheet in this process. He burned the score sheets in the glorious fire of His atoning sacrifice and resurrection. He is not a mortal man, subject to wounding over and over by our actions. He has already suffered all, (ALL--nothing left out!), and has claim on all comfort in the Father for anything we do now. I firmly believe He sorrows with us now, because of that same love, but we have no power to hurt Him the way we would be hurt if we were as fully invested in/in love with another mortal as He is in and with us. Love heals all. God is Love. He is the healer, not the hurting.

He loves you just as much as He always has. Our own growing awareness of our mortal failings changes nothing. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Isn't that such an awesome comfort and reassurance???) Your failings have already been atoned for--your debt already remitted in full: it is done! Cast shame far from you!

Jesus is Lord of ALL, even the least of all of us. He walks beside you, every moment, loving you steadily and lavishly, already having broken down ALL the walls sin could ever build, already having bridged the precipitous chasm of the Fall.

The only thing that keeps us separate from Him, despite His constant proximity, is our own reluctance to abandon our attachment to the idea that we are sinners, separated from God. And in claiming the identity of Redeemed, Reclaimed, Beloved of Jesus, we then change the way and magnitude in which He can work in our lives, and He begins to transform us into His own image. But we have to accept, claim without apology, what He holds out to us.

The gift is given. Praise be to God!!! :o)

He is OURS, now!
Here is HERE, now!!!

And He wants us to accept Him now, as we are, so He can help us, heal us, and make us His. :oD

(I need a Toyota jump smiley . . . )

Father in Heaven, reach out and touch Your children. Open our eyes, open our minds, open our hearts to Jesus, to His nearness, to His reality, to His earnest desire to engage with us. Work Your mighty work in us, Lord we pray . . . cast out the orphan spirit that keeps us separate from You, from Your love, from Your presence, and let us fully claim our place beside you as Yours! So be it in Jesus's holy and blessed Name. :o)

Parenting: *don't* do it afraid.

I was recently asked how my parenting has changed over the last couple of years. Here are some 'ponderings' on that.

I think the biggest change, the fundamental change that has affecting my parenting the most, is I'm no longer afraid. I'm not afraid of my children not learning to obey, because I know the power of Jesus' love. I'm not afraid of bad things happening to them, because I trust them to God. (I'm still CAREFUL--I just don't freak out (much) anymore. I still have a pretty major thing about my kids in high places or near precipices.) Because I'm so much more accustomed to the fact that God's love for me is wildly generous and totally unconditional, I don't worry about what anyone else thinks. I just treat my children as best I know how--as equal individuals. Very much as I wish to be treated. Honestly. Openly. And able to make my own decisions.

They do stand in a position of lesser authority and responsibility in some ways in my home, but I do my best to treat them as I want to be treated, and to not "baby" or patronize them. I firmly believe they are able to do good things, to step up to the opportunity of making a choice, and making a GREAT one. My 5 1/2 year old has taught me the most about this, because my "old" way of doing things UTTERLY DID NOT WORK with him. Totally. Like, "it no workie" kind of total failure. (In the comic below, my 5yo is Dilbert, on the left. I'm on the right. And yes, I've had my touchy & defensive moments. lol I'm better now, though. Praise God!)

He is such a fun, personality-filled little guy. He LOVES to laugh, and be just really good friends. He loves me incredibly, and I've learned a lot about love from him. About how love doesn't coerce. Or boss others around heavy-handedly. How love appeals to the love in the other person, and lets their conscience work at its full ability, instead of trying to convict of wrongdoing or manipulate.

I have learned to trust the innate goodness in my children. To see them as complete, whole people, who honestly want to do what's right, and look to me for example and support. But most of all: I try to treat my children the way that Jesus treats me. I keep them from physical harm, feed & clothe them, and do those fundamental things. But all of the "technique" and "style" stuff that people usually argue over is really simple: I follow Jesus' lead with me.

The short (and ultimate) answer is get to know Jesus. Let Him be a real, full, complete person to you. Abandon every construct and preconception about Who He is, and how He works, and let Him reveal Himself to you however He sees fit, and teach you using whatever means He chooses. He wants to teach you even more than you want to learn! He wants to lead you on an amazing romance adventure of epic proportions . . . to sweep you along, to take your breath away, to show you His love in a measure and fullness you've never even imagined. Being in love with Jesus is like a crush, the early stages of getting to know someone you're falling hard for. You think about them. A lot. You want to talk to them, listen to them. You want to watch their face, learn their character and personality. You stay up all night talking to them, largely unconcerned for the consequences, because you can't imagine doing anything else.

But don't worry if you don't feel that way right now. It grows as you let Jesus come into your life, and the amazing, beautiful friendship with Him unfolds. The more you get to know Him, the more you can't help longing for His company, for hearing from Him. And the more you know Him, the more you will know how to really and truly love and serve the people in your life.

Know thou the Lord! :o) As parents, so much in blessing and joy lay ahead as we do.

What do I truly seek?

So Jesus told them, “My message is not my own; it comes from God who sent me. Anyone who wants to do the will of God will know whether my teaching is from God or is merely my own. Those who speak for themselves want glory only for themselves, but a person who seeks to honor the one who sent him speaks truth, not lies. Moses gave you the law, but none of you obeys it! In fact, you are trying to kill me.” (John 7:16-19 NLT)

"Yes, I realize that you are descendants of Abraham. And yet some of you are trying to kill me because there’s no room in your hearts for my message. I am telling you what I saw when I was with my Father. But you are following the advice of your father.” 

“Our father is Abraham!” they declared. 

“No,” Jesus replied, “for if you were really the children of Abraham, you would follow his example. Instead, you are trying to kill me because I told you the truth, which I heard from God. Abraham never did such a thing. No, you are imitating your real father.” 

They replied, “We aren’t illegitimate children! God himself is our true Father.” 

Jesus told them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, because I have come to you from God. I am not here on my own, but he sent me." 

"Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me!" (John 8:37-43 NLT)

*************************

Who is my Father?

To whom do I turn?

To whom do I look?

From whom do I receive strength?

Direction?

Hope?

Confidence?

What are the fruits of my thoughts?

Of my words?

Of my choices?

My life?

Who finds them acceptable and pleasing?

Who do I declare?

Whose work do I do?

Do I feel a constant connection with loving, gracious, forgiving Jesus?

Do my prayers feel like conversations, or monologues to a silent room?

Does that connection flow out to those around me?

Do the names of men more often come from my mouth than the name of Jesus?

Whose words most often come to my mind, and into my conversation?

Whom do I quote most often: God or men?

Whom do I praise most often: Jesus, or men?

Whom do I thank most often?


Returning from speaking with Aslan: “Emeth came walking forward into the open strip of grass between the bonfire and the Stable. His eyes were shining, his face was solemn, his hand was on his sword-hilt, and he carried his head high. Jill felt like crying when she looked at his face. And Jewel whispered in the King's ear, "By the Lion's Mane, I almost love this young warrior, Calormene though he be. He is worthy of a better god than Tash.” 

Then Emeth said: "'Beloved', said the Glorious One, 'unless thy desire had been for me thou wouldst not have sought so long and so truly. For all find what they truly seek.' And since then, O Kings and Ladies, I have been wandering to find him and my happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound. And this is the marvel of marvels, that he called me Beloved, me who am but as a dog.”  (The Last Battle, by C. S. Lewis)

Neither Jew or Gentile

Who can stand apart from Your presence

Once we have tasted the goodness of Your love?

Who can change a heart? Only You can.

We're restless and thirsty for healing from above.

You break the heavens open,

and I'm trying to swallow the ocean.

I'm coming alive with You.

I'm coming undone with You.

I'm coming away with You.

With the faith of a child I come.

With my hands lifted high I come.

I'm coming alive with You.

Who can know Your thoughts and Your purpose?

I want to join in, to listen and obey.

Who can do the things that You can?

If its impossible, Lord You know the way.

You break the heavens open,

and I'm trying to swallow the ocean.

You make all things new.

~Newsong, "Swallow the Ocean".

The Bible and Book of Mormon are rife with people overcome by the Spirit. Fainting away, both men and women becoming as though they were dead, later awakening and proclaiming their salvation, prophesying, and proclaiming visions given to them while overcome. I used to wonder why it was that those ancient people got to do that, when I'd never seen anything even remotely like it . . . I had felt the Holy Ghost, sometimes amazingly, life-changingly.  But not anything like that.  It was a warmth inside, a powerful motivator that made my hands cold and my heart race during testimony meetings when there was something God had for me to say. And during a Girl's Camp testimony meeting high in the Sierra Nevadas, lit by firelight and hemmed by the astounding, earnest love of a hundred and fifty girls and their leaders, felt the presence and love of God so powerfully that I felt like a new person.  It changed me, and was the first tectonic event in my new creation in Christ.  I walked around for days, then weeks, in a glow, thinking "So this is what a testimony feels like."  I didn't understand, didn't know what to do with that first amazing taste of the transformative power of His love.  And, in desperate ignorance, I took the final step in abandoning that change a little over a decade later, after the ravages of depression and more loneliness had taken their toll.

It took another twelve years before the chance came again, and this time I had just enough knowledge from more careful reading of the word between times, and the close friendship of some who knew more than I did in my spiritually infantile, socially isolated early teens. And oh, what a difference. What a difference.  This time, I know a little more what I'm about, and am intent on not letting this change slip away.  That's what Alma's talking about in Alma 5. Alma wasn't talking to a bunch of spiritual neonates, encouraging them to seek a remission of their sins. He was chastising and straitening a crowd of adults who had already been baptised with fire and the Holy Ghost, and who had let that slip away. They knew what he was talking about, because they had all experienced it.  They had felt that mighty change, and thought they'd never be the same.

The Holy Ghost works the same now as it has for all of scripture. As part of the Godhead, the operation of the Spirit is unchanging in principle and practice. It can (and will!) descend on you in power, straight from heaven, when you earnestly seek the Lord God Almighty. And if you have never felt this, if you've contented yourself with the idea that it's just not meant for you in this life . . . don't settle.  Don't content yourself with the idea that you're "just not spiritually advanced enough" or "not meant" for a certain blessing.  Don't settle! Don't swallow the lie of the enemy, the trickster, the one who stands eternally opposed to the happiness and salvation of the Children of God. Our Father God doesn't care who you are, or where you've been. Are you as Saul, who became Paul? Alma the Younger and the sons of Helaman? They had on their heads the lives (whether physical or spiritual) of many saints. And yet God spoke to them all, and they turned to Him and were saved. Not only saved, but now remembered among the most notable of missionaries and disciples. Are your hearts blacker than theirs? Your sins more scarlet? You aren't an exception to the love of God. It simply is not possible to stand outside of the word that says He doesn't care about the color of your skin, the combination of X and Y chromosomes you have, or your religious history.

Believing you somehow don't count, aren't eligible to the highest blessings in this life, WILL damn you. Maybe not eternally, but it can make life a living hell, putting you in bondage simply because you don't take the invitation offered you in the way only Jesus can offer: so utterly, without reservation or limit. It offers your heart to the enemy's jailing, holds your wounds outside of the absolute healing Jesus offers.

Just stop it. Stop it, and seek Him.

If the idea of "coming undone" before God sounds embarrassing or undignified, if the intimate language in the Bible and Book of Mormon sounds strange, let go of your ideas of what it takes to be close to Jesus, of the destructive and limiting concept of stoic faith.  Romans forcibly injected that stoicism into surrounding culture to the point that it is held up as the ideal: utter self-control to conquer every weakness of the flesh. Only trouble is, that's the arm of flesh. Yes, we should have self-control. Godly self-control, which is born of the Holy Spirit, a gift of the same, is an ability from Christ, and Christ alone. Godly self-control evaporates the desire to injure another.

We are not called to bottle up our humanity and soldier on.  We are to pour out our sorrows at His feet, and to take His yoke upon us.  And best of all, He calls us to worship, to rejoice, and to praise when things go His way.  He suffered for every last stinkin' one of us, regardless of our "odds", track record, or "qualities".  I don't care who you are, where you've come from, or where you think you're going. God doesn't care if you've been in prison, sold others into slavery, broken every one of His commandments and every law of man. If you don't know Him, He wants you to. He wants to be real to you. Real, like the floor under your feet feels.  Real, like seeing the smile on the face of the person you love best of all. Real, like hearing the voice of your best friend. And more real than anything you've ever known. The sacrifice is already made, perfect and whole. His blood was already spilt, His life already offered up, His triumphant resurrection complete. Please, don't just think you need to plant yourself in the middle of the mainstream, figure your work is done, all is well in Zion, and now just have to plug away placidly, filling the expectations of mortals. And don't waste another minute of your life looking for something else to fill the chasm inside. There's nothing on earth that's big enough to fill it.  You've got to turn to Him--turn to Him and let Him fill that aching emptiness.

It's not easy.  It takes the abandonment of your life's self-protective work, and often the rejection of the religious philosophies and scriptural interpretations of men you may have built your life upon.  True doctrine will come through beautifully--but odds are you have traditions long-held and cherished to cut loose. Which can be scary. The familiar spirits assigned to you, that are comfortable with where you are, with who you are, and the limited influence you hold due to your own contentment with where you are, don't want you to grow. They don't want you to know God better, and will pull out all the stops (including scaring you thoroughly) to keep you away from further light and truth.

God doesn't use fear to control.  He loves and entreats. If a doctrine scares you, it's probably time to examine it more closely, and pray about it again, and harder.

There's no thirst so sweet as the thirst for another thorough dousing in Jesus' oceanic love. No safety like the surrounding of His love. And no power like the faith that comes when you finally "get it" . . . finally begin understand, as much as a novice's mind can grasp, the true nature of the God you thought you knew all of these years.

He makes ALL things new.

He has, He does, and He will.  Yesterday, today, and forevermore. Infinitely. Repeatedly. Always.

For you.

Praise God. :o)



(This was first posted a week or so ago, and I'm sorry to say that the writing was highly unrepresentative of the spirit in which it was offered.  I've gone over it carefully now, and hope that the edits I've made help to convey the true state of my heart.  God bless.)

The Kingdom of Yes

Scripture:  2 Corinthians 1:17-20 NLT

You may be asking why I changed my plan. Do you think I make my plans carelessly? Do you think I am like people of the world who say “Yes” when they really mean “No”? As surely as God is faithful, our word to you does not waver between “Yes” and “No.” For Jesus Christ, the Son of God, does not waver between “Yes” and “No.” He is the one whom Silas, Timothy, and I preached to you, and as God’s ultimate “Yes,” he always does what he says. For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.

Observation: I love Paul's straightforward, monolithic faith. Christ truly is the ultimate yes! from God our Father.  Our God's kingdom is absolutely a Kingdom of Yes . . . His ways are ways of ability, power, light and direction, extended to all of us if we would just let go of the frail things we cling to . . . the broken reeds we somehow believe will save us from being swept away in the whirlwind.

Application: Our God is all about enabling His children, empowering His children, and drawing His children back to Him, back to where He is, back to knowledge of Him, back to all that is good and just and true. There is no mixture in Him.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." ~James 1:17 NKJV (See PC? I don't read just the NLT.) ;o)

Prayer: Father of All, I can't tell You how deeply, totally, and fully encompassingly grateful I am for Your integrity, for You unchangingness.  I know . . . I know, finally! . . . that I can trust you absolutely.  No need to brace for impact, prepare for the worst at Your loving hand, or be afraid of You in any way. You are a good Dad. And I fully accept you as mine. :o)  That's so amazing/crazy to me, too.  The fact that You Are Who You Are . . . with all things under Your feet, all power in Your Hand, and yet, I can claim you as mine, and You rejoice in it because it will bring me back to You. You truly are Good. :o)  Blessed be the name of the Most High God! In Jesus' beautiful name, amen.

There is no mixture in Him

Once upon a time, a country girl freshman went to BYU. She marveled at the university, at the shiny brilliance of city life, at the sheer numerosity of Mormons all around her. She did pretty well, considering the strangeness of her new life.

While she visited with her family over the two week Christmas break after that first semester, a bounced check notice from her bank appeared in the mail. Due to forwarding, it was already several days old, and she knew the check might have already been presented for payment again. To make matters worse, it was her tuition check--and late tuition would add school fees to the returned check fees. 

A day or two later, she received notice from BYU that her tuition was late, and she would be charged the unconscionably kingly sum of $80. Coming from humble origins, and with most of her tuition covered by a PELL grant, she had little idea where that $80 would come from. 

Back at school a week later, she looked into the matter, and learned that, while her check had been for $170, she was only late on $35 in tuition. The balance of the check had been her health insurance payment.  That $35 balance was well under the lower limit for late tuition fee assessment, so she wrote a clear, courteous letter to the appeals committee, explaining that the late tuition fee had been wrongly assessed, should be waived due to the fact that, while her check amount had been well over that lower limit, the lion's share had been an insurance payment, and the late tuition fee should be waived.

She received a response a few days later, and felt almost as though she'd been slapped.  The tone of the letter made it seem as if whoever it was that had been given her letter didn't read it . . . they simply looked at the amount of her check, ignored the fact that her tuition balance was $35, and in the generous beneficence of their position of power, insisted that while she still owed a fee for paying her tuition late, the fee would be reduced to $40 based on her plea of financial hardship.  Stung by the condescending tone and the injustice of the situation, she took the letter with its attached revised tuition billing statement to the student office building to settle up.  She tried explaining the situation to the cashier, who looked at her statement, said she owed $170 and that the fee reduction was generous, and she should count herself lucky.

Our student walked away, properly smacked down, and measurably poorer.

At the end of the next semester, things got crazy.  With the demands of her new life, the deadline for paying her tuition and health insurance came and went.  She went to the student office building again, this time without even a copy of her tuition billing statement, and waited in line at the cashier's window with a little pocket of dread in her heart at the fee she would be again required to sacrifice to the thick-skulled demigods of administration.  When she answered the cashier's request for her statement in the negative, she was directed around the corner to another window, to someone in student accounts who could print one for her.  When the woman behind the counter looked up her student account, she said: "Oh, you owe less than $40 in tuition.  Let me take that fee off for you."  And, thirty seconds later, our student stood in the cashier's line, peeling the perforated tracks off the sides of a short sheet of white printer paper with her tuition billing statement printed in little gray dots. Then she again stood at the cashier's window, writing out a check. But this time, she walked away with a smile on her face, and gratitude in her heart not only that she was spared the huge fee, but that she now knew the secret to navigating the bureaucracy in such a way that she could protect herself against those blasted demigods.

That student was me, nearly twenty years ago.

In the  intervening years, I've had many chances to think over that experience, and ask God what it is that He wants me to learn from it.  Before this experience, I firmly believed the popular and oft-repeated phrase that BYU was "the Lord's University", with its attendant assumption that everything done there was the mind of the Lord, the will of the Lord, the word of the Lord, and the voice of the Lord unto graduation.  That little run in with human imperfection left that idea a little shaken for a while.

But, since the deeply and culturally ingrained idea that my God would put stumbling blocks in my way, would purposely put me through things that would hurt and harm me so I could learn and grow was so firmly entrenched in my young adult mind, it wasn't long before I talked myself into believing again that everything that happened there was according to God's will . . . and the stupid or unjust things were part of the package--somehow part of "God is good".

And that left me in such a position of helplessness and bondage to the trials and weaknesses and mortal failing I faced in intervening years, I'm not even going to go into it here.  Another story for another time.

The idea that God hands out trials to His beloveds goes against the basic simplicity of His goodness.  He turns all things to our good; what the enemy intended for evil, He uses for our good and His name's glory.  All things give us experience, and I have learned over the last few months how the hardest times in my life have shaped and blessed me.  But it was not God's will that I go through them.  I chose them, willingly. I came to this world, this sinful, broken, fallen, corrupt world, because I was desperate for the blessings that could come if I would just love, completely and utterly, the One who loves me best.

Everything that is bad, evil, wrong, hurtful, damaging, or painful in this life does not come from God.

Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil. ~Moroni 7:14

Mormon lays it out pretty darn plainly in the letter Moroni included in his record.  We are not to judge that which is evil to be from God. Ever. Not even sometimes. Not even a little bit. Nada. Nope. Uh-uh. No way, José. Negatory.

Luke recorded, in 18:19,

And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? none is good, save one, that is, God.

How is God different from everyone else? He's the only one who is wholly, completely, and totally good. And Mormon 9:9 clinches it:

For do we not read that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and in him there is no variableness neither shadow of changing?

And God has this last thing to say about the topic:

For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith. 

The modern concept that God does bad things just has to go.  We must be able to trust Him completely . . . to cast out fear and throw ourselves on His mercy and goodness and love without reserve. Utterly.  He truly does love every one of us, His myriad creations, best--and we CAN trust Him with everything we are.  We need to hide nothing, to seek to stand before Him in total honesty, and to cling to Him in all things.

And then.

Then.

Then we will know Him as He is . . . and He can set us free.

Jesus Wept with Mary

John 11:20-35 NKJV

Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house.  Now Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.  But even now I know that  whatever You ask of God, God will give You.” Jesus said to her,  “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to Him,  “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her,  “I am  the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in Me, though he may  die, he shall live.    And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to Him, “Yes, Lord,  I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” And when she had said these things, she went her way and secretly called Mary her sister, saying, “The Teacher has come and is calling for you.”  As soon as she heard  that,  she arose quickly and came to Him.  Now Jesus had not yet come into the town, but was in the place where Martha met Him.  Then the Jews who were with her in the house, and comforting her, when they saw that Mary rose up quickly and went out, followed her, saying, “She is going to the tomb to weep there.” Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she  fell down at His feet, saying to Him,  “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled.  And He said,  “Where have you laid him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept.

O: Jesus knew Lazarus's problem would keep.  He could have swept in, raised his good friend from the dead, and dried everyone's tears without a word to them.  But He stopped and ministered to Mary in her distress. He mourned with her. Who of us can't testify to the precious, sacred love of one who holds our heart in their hands when it has broken?  And then, after He had poured His love richly into His relationship with Mary (and whoever else may have been there), He did what He came to do.

A: I like to get things done.  Solve problems.  Especially when things are serious, I go into crisis mode, and turn into a super-efficient, inwardly-focused problem solver.  Vern always says that he knows that if I'm freaking out, everything's fine.  But if I'm dead calm and moving fast, it's time to worry.  I want to follow Jesus's example, and take care of my people, instead of only addressing the situation.

P: Lord, you know how my heart longs to help people . . . to comfort and heal. You placed that love in my heart, and You have fed and nourished it abundantly in so many ways throughout my life. Keep showing me, God, keep teaching me, keep schooling me in the way You want me to be, the way You want me to walk, the way You want me to think, so I can do Your work, in Your way, in all situations.  Open the way before me to fulfill the calling You have sung to me, and to walk in the strength of the Holy Spirit so whoever it is that stands in need can receive the blessing You have in store for them. Make me a tool for You . . . I don't care how simple or plain, how common or dirty the jobs are.  Now that I know Your love, my priorities will never be the same. :o)  In Jesus' glorious name, amen.

He is Judge

In response to this post. (Yes, you need to read it. It's short.)

Mosiah 4:14-16 reads:

14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another. 
16 And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Fifteen is the last verse on children. Sixteen is the opening verse on beggars. I understand where this earnest brother is coming from, especially with him living in an urban area where beggars are more commonly seen. I believe he did well to call the police when someone was threatening others--but the coincidence of that violent person's panhandling is utterly irrelevant to the commission we have from Jesus Christ to give.

We can't judge by our own wisdom or experience who is deserving and who is not. God has commanded us so, so clearly, to give to those in need. (Many, many times--not just by Benjamin in Mosiah.) And who is to say what need we might be filling? We are to succor as well as administer substance; and I would say that we are to do both every time a beggar presents him- or herself. God WILL make up any and every last bit that we give following King Benjamin's message, given him by an angel. I have seen it, over and over, in my life. I have *never* been short changed by Jesus--much to the contrary, in fact. :-)

What about the "doing harm" angle? I don't believe we are. We are walking in obedience to a command straight from God. Jesus extends His mercy and grace to ALL. Every person has precisely the same unfailing love and unlimited grace offered to them...and how many times have each of us (myself absolutely included!) turned from what Christ has already given us, the work He already suffered and completed in victory, essentially throwing it to the gutter? I don't care if I give my meager greenback to someone who won't do with it what I would. I am called to give. I am called to love. I am called to minister in the pure love of Jesus Christ. And those who receive such from me hold in their hands the accountability for what they do with it. And God is judge. (Hallelujah!)

I have only had the chance to give to a handful of beggars in my life. And EVERY time has been a powerful experience . . . from being constrained by the Holy Ghost to turn my van around and give what little I have, to looking in their eyes and seeing something that touches my heart allowing the Holy Spirit to change me forever, to the conversations I've had with some of them. God has given me what I should say, and how much to give.

Once I gave to and talked with a teen mom in Spokane who was holding a sign on a street corner. She met me, saw my dusty, ordinary van full of kids, my humble ordinariness. We talked about the options she had for her baby. She told me a story about having nearly everything she had, stolen. I have no idea if it was true...and when I turned back a few minutes after leaving her with a hug and a fervent prayer of "God bless you," I couldn't find her, or the friend she had pointed out at the other end of the block. They had disappeared. Who knows what she did with what I gave her. I hope and pray that she sought out LDS Adoption Services for her baby's sake. But this I know: she wasn't expecting me. Christ was with me as I spoke to her, and I pray she saw and felt a tiny portion of His oceanic love. And if that costs me some money, then so be it. Our God is perfectly just, and He will not default on His promises to those who do His will.

I will do the will of Jesus. 

The consequences are His problem. ;o)

So, about those blessings . . .

This scripture is one of the well-worn seminary passages that all Latter-day Saints worth their salt know well:

"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." ~D&C 130:20-21

Add to that the "land flowing with milk and honey" promises in the Bible to those who love and serve the Lord of Hosts, and you've got a pretty rosy picture for them that believe, right?

Right.

Sooooo . . . about seventeen months ago, I sat back and looked at my life long and hard.  And you know what I saw?  I saw a distinct lack of those blessings promised them that believe.  Yes, we had enough to eat, and a place to live, and Vern had work (praise God).  But the really basic internal blessings of following Christ just weren't there.  The "Rest of the Lord", the "unspeakable peace", those riches that supposedly make the life of a believer so abundant and different, were utterly absent.  And that was my clue that something wasn't right. {wry chuckle}

See, to all onlookers, our family was pretty darn great.  We lived up to the expectations of our leaders, kept the commandments as we understood them, were active in the church, and were told (often and with great enthusiasm) that were were such a wonderful, beautiful, happy family.

But we weren't. :o( 

Happy, that is.

After that long, hard look, I spent about six months in fiction.  I devoured novels, built up my editing/proofreading resumé, and essentially hid from that lack I suddenly saw so clearly.  And slowly, as I slogged through that mire of realization and squinted against the brightness of the truth that the achievements up to that point in our lives hadn't garnered the freedom and joy I signed up for when I decided to marry and have a family, God began working a miracle in me.

Slowly.  

Gradually.  

Gently.

Looking back, I can see how He planned for it.  He planned way ahead of that realization and gave me what I would need as I floundered around in it.  I think I first prayed for friends about two and a half years ago, without very much (apparent) effect.  I met one homeschooling mom on the strangest chance, and we talked every so often.  During that slog, though, she stuck with me.  She insisted on inserting herself into my life, kept on dragging me out on playdates to the beach, called and bugged me (repeatedly) to bring my kids and join in the chaos at her place, made me laugh, listened to me, and (most importantly) didn't give up and drift away.

And He gave me dreams . . . dreams that I only understood months later when I was nearly through slogging, dreams that prophesied and guided me.

Since the slog began, I've done a lot of praying.  A LOT of praying.  Pleading.  And seeking.  Searching for, feeling after, reaching out to my God. I sought Him earnestly. Desperately.  My heart sought Him, too, without me even knowing it.

And then, one day, He was found.

I have since learned many, many things about Him. About me.  And about Him and me.  This one I feel compelled to share now: He is a jealous God. He doesn't want us to have a back up plan for when He "fails" to heal us, or "doesn't answer" our prayers. For He fails in nothing.  Nothing.  He never fails us.  Never, ever, ever, ever.  He is the bridegroom, the passionately devoted and tenderly caring One for whom we seek.  No little black book can hide in our back pockets, we can permit no flirting in the grocery store when we think He's otherwise occupied.  If promised blessings do not materialize, we MUST look in our own hearts.  Examine our own understandings.  And, if we come up empty-handed in our quest for that which isn't quite right, we must turn to Him and ask Him to show us where we went wrong; what part of us is preventing Him from rushing in to save us.  Because he waits, like a sprinter at the line, tensed against the starting gun. He stands, mountains of blessings and oceans of love at the ready for us.  We don't know what we don't know . . . but He is good, and patient, and utterly committed to saving us.  He already did the hardest part.  Now we must open our hearts to Him, and accept it.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."   ~Ether 12:27

His grace, sufficient. 

Beautiful gift

that walks us with Him 

to the Father 

through this life-- 

still imperfect 

still learning

blundering

letting go

letting Him fix us 

covered by His grace 

so we 

no longer labor

under condemnation.  

We need to seek Him until we find Him.  Search after and earnestly inquire at His hand until we, too, know our sins are remitted . . . paid in full . . . and we finally understand the knowing smiles of those who look us in the eye with that certain gleam and say . . . 

"God is Good."

God's Selfless Heart

Scripture: But when the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw him eating with tax collectors and other sinners, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with such scum? ” When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” 

Then Jesus said to them, “The Sabbath was made to meet the needs of people, and not people to meet the requirements of the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord, even over the Sabbath!” (Mark 2:16, 17, 27, 28 NLT)

Observation: Jesus is all about us. Everything He did, everything He chose, all of His planning and provision, has been with an eye on the salvation and happiness of mankind. 

Application: What an amazing God He is. The only One out of all of the earth's religions that came to His people, asking nothing for Himself. (Interesting that the rest--all imaginings of the minds of men--all require various forms of self-aggrandizement.) How can I, as a parent, follow Jesus' walk more closely in my life?

Prayer: Father, I want to be a good mother--to give generously to my children that which is most vital to their healthy development and wholeness spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Show me, Lord. Teach me. Walk with me and tutor me in my calling as mother to this often-overwhelming family You have so generously given me. (Your trust in me astounds me on a regular basis, Lord. Wow.) Multiply my strength, make my back strong and my energy overflow, so in You (and ONLY in You) I might be equal to the journey You have in store for us. I praise You so loudly, Lord, for Your generous love. I lift Your name high in my life. I love you, and long to be more fully Yours, and to see Your will manifested through my life and in my family. In Jesus' most beautiful name, amen!

Fire Follows Water

Scripture: Acts 19:4-6 NKJV

Then Paul said, “John indeed baptized with a baptism of repentance, saying to the people that they should believe on Him who would come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus.” When they heard this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid hands on them, the Holy Spirit came upon them, and they spoke with tongues and prophesied.
Observation: When these believers were baptized & Paul laid his hands on them, something amazing happened.

Application: Amazing things happen to believers. Amazing things should happen to believers. If they're not happening--if they're the stuff of urban legend and family folklore--then there's something wrong:

But, behold, faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe.  Yea, signs come by faith, not by the will of men, nor as they please, but by the will of God. Yea, signs come by faith, unto mighty works, for without faith no man pleaseth God; and with whom God is angry he is not well pleased; wherefore, unto such he showeth no signs, only in wrath unto their condemnation. (D&C 63:9-11)

Prayer: Most Beloved Father of mine, teach me to walk in greater faith. Teach me, show me, open my mind and heart to Your way, Your path, Your wonders all around me. I just want to know You better, to be close to You. And, more than anything, I just want to do Your will. Show me, please, in Jesus' glorious name, so be it.

Job Had A Midlife Crisis

Scripture: Job 13-14 NLT

“Look, I have seen all this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears, and now I understand. I know as much as you do. You are no better than I am. As for me, I would speak directly to the Almighty. I want to argue my case with God himself. As for you, you smear me with lies. As physicians, you are worthless quacks. If only you could be silent! That’s the wisest thing you could do. Listen to my charge; pay attention to my arguments. “Are you defending God with lies? Do you make your dishonest arguments for his sake? Will you slant your testimony in his favor? Will you argue God’s case for him? What will happen when he finds out what you are doing? Can you fool him as easily as you fool people? No, you will be in trouble with him if you secretly slant your testimony in his favor. Doesn’t his majesty terrify you? Doesn’t your fear of him overwhelm you? Your platitudes are as valuable as ashes. Your defense is as fragile as a clay pot. “Be silent now and leave me alone. Let me speak, and I will face the consequences. Yes, I will take my life in my hands and say what I really think. God might kill me, but I have no other hope. I am going to argue my case with him. But this is what will save me—I am not godless. If I were, I could not stand before him. “Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out. I have prepared my case; I will be proved innocent. Who can argue with me over this? And if you prove me wrong, I will remain silent and die. “O God, grant me these two things, and then I will be able to face you. Remove your heavy hand from me, and don’t terrify me with your awesome presence. Now summon me, and I will answer! Or let me speak to you, and you reply. Tell me, what have I done wrong? Show me my rebellion and my sin. Why do you turn away from me? Why do you treat me as your enemy? Would you terrify a leaf blown by the wind? Would you chase dry straw? “You write bitter accusations against me and bring up all the sins of my youth. You put my feet in stocks. You examine all my paths. You trace all my footprints. I waste away like rotting wood, like a moth-eaten coat.

“How frail is humanity! How short is life, how full of trouble! We blossom like a flower and then wither. Like a passing shadow, we quickly disappear. Must you keep an eye on such a frail creature and demand an accounting from me? Who can bring purity out of an impure person? No one! You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer. So leave us alone and let us rest! We are like hired hands, so let us finish our work in peace. “Even a tree has more hope! If it is cut down, it will sprout again and grow new branches. Though its roots have grown old in the earth and its stump decays, at the scent of water it will bud and sprout again like a new seedling. “But when people die, their strength is gone. They breathe their last, and then where are they? As water evaporates from a lake and a river disappears in drought, people are laid to rest and do not rise again. Until the heavens are no more, they will not wake up nor be roused from their sleep. “I wish you would hide me in the grave and forget me there until your anger has passed. But mark your calendar to think of me again! Can the dead live again? If so, this would give me hope through all my years of struggle, and I would eagerly await the release of death. You would call and I would answer, and you would yearn for me, your handiwork. For then you would guard my steps, instead of watching for my sins. My sins would be sealed in a pouch, and you would cover my guilt. “But instead, as mountains fall and crumble and as rocks fall from a cliff, as water wears away the stones and floods wash away the soil, so you destroy people’s hope. You always overpower them, and they pass from the scene. You disfigure them in death and send them away. They never know if their children grow up in honor or sink to insignificance. They suffer painfully; their life is full of trouble.”

Observation: I know that's a LOT of scripture, but honestly, it's important. Thanks for sticking it out. ;o)

In yesterday's reading, I saw hope in   words to Job in chapter eleven.  He was urging his friend to do what he had done in his own life, what had worked for him. "Stop worrying and defending yourself, trust God, and worship Him. Then He will pour blessings out on your life, and you can be happy again!"

But today, I heard Job's inability to grasp what his friend was offering. His misunderstanding of his friend's intentions, or the words he chose.  Job rejected that hope, and then went and ranted at God, feeling a healthy dose of self-righteous pity from his fleshly perspective.

The story of Job might be more like a midlife crisis.  His thinking may have been topsy-turvy with the whole "This is NOT what I signed up for!" that comes when life takes a turn that you really, really weren't expecting, did your best to avoid, and don't feel you deserve.  His friends, who love him, (Hello! They sat on the ground, silent, for a WEEK, people!), were offering hope and help as best they could, from their own perspective and experiences . . . but none of it reached Job, other than to prick and poke him enough to get him off of his rear and onto his knees.  Then he rants. He complains. He whines.*  And God starts doing cartwheels because His son is FINALLY opening up to Him, and is getting ready to listen.

*(I especially like 14:21, where Job complains about how when God strikes people down, they don't get to live to see their children grow up, and to see if they do well for themselves in life; I find it pretty hilarious Job would complain that way, when all of his own children were dead. It's like he was running out of things to complain about, and was repeating things he had heard others say, the way my children will when they're out of ideas, but their angst isn't yet spent.)

Application: This story of Job's is so much more complex than I ever thought before.  Up until yesterday, I thought the story arc went something like this: "Good man is tried with horrible, undeserved trials. His friends come to lord it over him, and judge him. He is humble, bears testimony of God's goodness, and God restores to him all he lost and more. The end."  But with the really difficult things adulthood has thrown at me, the way God has taken my life up, shaken it hard so I had to hold on to my marriage, my family and my faith, letting everything else fall away, has shown me a totally different story.  One where these trials bring out a weakness in Job that he learns to overcome. One where he is all tangled in his situation and despite the best efforts of the imperfect people that love him, can't "just get it right" or "get over it".

I also love how this new take on Job shows (again!) how, truly, God is big. So powerful. So forgiving. So purely patient. He has big shoulders. He can take our ranting, our raving, our complaining.  We can pound on Him until our strength is spent, and we can't hurt Him in doing it. He sees what we're going through, understands it perfectly, and has total mercy for us as we flail and thrash through it. And he LOVES it when we come and rant, rave, and complain to Him, because it means that we're paying attention to Him!

Prayer: Lord of Heaven and Earth, I love you. I just want to sing and shout to the skies my gratitude and my rejoicing when I stop and think about who You are, what You are, and how that makes everything perfectly and completely okay. Thank you for all You have done for me. For the way You love me without any reserve, without any failing. Because it changes everything. And I will never be the same. :o)

Stephen.

Scripture: Acts 7:54-60 ESV

Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul. And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

Observation: The people were frightened, outraged at the idea that Stephen could be doing what he was doing....might be close to God. 

Application: I will not be afraid of, or threatened by, another's closeness to God or power in the Holy Spirit. It's all more of what we as believers want to see. And if I think someone is in the wrong, I will take to my knees--not to the streets with a rock in each fist. 

Prayer: Dear Father, please strip all insecurity from me. I give it up to You--for You are my all-sufficient supply. In You I rejoice in other's successes, glorify Your Name for the beauties I see, and see Your miracles and Mercy all around me. Let me be Yours. Let me be part of Your church; and do Your will. Always. In Jesus' name! Amen!

Above all else, know God

Scripture: Nehemiah 6:10, 12, 13 NKJV

Afterward I came to the house of Shemaiah the son of Delaiah, the son of Mehetabel, who was a secret informer; and he said, “Let us meet together in the house of God, within the temple, and let us close the doors of the temple, for they are coming to kill you; indeed, at night they will come to kill you.” Then I perceived that God had not sent him at all, but that he pronounced this prophecy against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. For this reason he was hired, that I should be afraid and act that way and sin, so that they might have cause for an evil report, that they might reproach me.

Observation: Nehemiah knew God's voice. He followed God's will to go support the rebuilding of Jerusalem's wall--and here, God gave him discernment.  The same kind of discernment Jesus showed in Mark 2 when He perceived the thoughts of the Pharisees' hearts.  That discernment protected Nehemiah because, knowing God, nothing dark could deceive him.

Application: If I know God, I cannot be deceived. Not even by what seems to be an angel. Knowing the goodness and brilliance of God, I will be able to understand and see the difference between true and false prophecy, true and false prompting. This passage couldn't have come at a better time.

He is the God of Rescue

Zech 8:6-7, 9:9-12, 16-17 NLT

“This is what the Lord  of Heaven’s Armies says: All this may seem impossible to you now, a small remnant of God’s people. But is it impossible for me? says the Lord  of Heaven’s Armies. “This is what the Lord  of Heaven’s Armies says: You can be sure that I will rescue my people from the east and from the west."

Rejoice, O people of Zion! Shout in triumph, O people of Jerusalem! Look, your king is coming to you. He is righteous and victorious, yet he is humble, riding on a donkey— riding on a donkey’s colt. I will remove the battle chariots from Israel and the warhorses from Jerusalem. I will destroy all the weapons used in battle, and your king will bring peace to the nations. His realm will stretch from sea to sea and from the Euphrates River  to the ends of the earth. Because of the covenant I made with you, sealed with blood, I will free your prisoners from death in a waterless dungeon. Come back to the place of safety, all you prisoners who still have hope! I promise this very day that I will repay two blessings for each of your troubles. On that day the Lord  their God will rescue his people, just as a shepherd rescues his sheep. They will sparkle in his land like jewels in a crown. How wonderful and beautiful they will be! The young men will thrive on abundant grain, and the young women will flourish on new wine. 

God is big. Mightier than our wildest imaginations. More lavishly tender and generous-hearted than anyone we've ever known. Can heal and make new, loving, gentle creatures out of the most battle-scarred and broken.  He loves us. And He wants to fight our battles for us . . . he wants us to put away our weapons, and trust in Him for our peace and safety.

God wants me to trust Him. To turn myself, my life, my plans, my dreams, my everything over to Him, so He can take what I have, what I am, and turn it into something so breathtaking and achingly beautiful we might not recognize ourselves if we were standing in someone else's shoes. That's what it means, to Him, to rescue me.

Lord of Heaven and Earth, King of Kings, I will be Yours. I will offer up the weapons I hoarded for my own defense--whatever form they may have taken--to You. I wish no longer to wield them, with my mortal inaccuracy and corruptible arm of flesh. Continually make in me a new creature. I offer you my heart as a throne. Please make it a suitable habitation for Your glory, as You see fit to do.  And make for Yourself a river, flowing from that throne, to quench the thirst and heal the hearts that come within reach. Please, God. Make me Yours . . . and bless my brothers and sisters, Your beloveds. Let me love them like You do, and show me how to do for them as You would do in my place.  In Jesus' name, so be it, and amen.